Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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