after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
