Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
