He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
