Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
