Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
