The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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