In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
