Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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