new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My life is pants optional.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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