He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
