covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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