I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
