my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize