Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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