Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
