so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she told me i tasted like america
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
