i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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