If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
