dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
