Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize