She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize