i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
