i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
