i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can't talk, ducks in the car
how does that bad decision feel?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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