Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
