What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
