if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
