Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
