Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
