$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have already put on my inside pants.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
