She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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