no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
