Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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