In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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