and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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