Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
