She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
