I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
