hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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