in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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