Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
