when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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