wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
