apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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