I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
