i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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