My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
