Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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