it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
