So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
