From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
