1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
only if we run a train.
done.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
