my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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