Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
