I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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