So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
