A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
