the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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