i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
