His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
