Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
