a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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