someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
