I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
