that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
