omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
