When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
