just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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